Family Matters
14 Ways You Are Enabling Your Loved One
Having a family member who is suffering from drug and substance addiction affects both the abuser and immediate family members. You and your family can experience various misunderstandings, arguments, and emotional wounds. It is always best advised that you should stage an intervention for your addicted loved one to cure the addiction disease. However, there are moments when your addicted loved one tries to manipulate your mind about the treatment plans that await them in the rehabilitation center. With this, you are slowly falling into the trap of enabling your affected family member.
‘Enabling’ is the term used for people who provide support to the addicts’ impulsive behaviors and requests. People who usually become enablers are the immediate family members of the abusers. Enablers believe that they are helping their addicted loved ones by giving them the right to continue their addiction. But little do they know that they are only causing delay to the full recovery state of their addicted loved ones.
Here are the 14 ways to know if you are enabling your family member who is establishing signs and symptoms of addiction.
- Feeling In-denial to the Situation of Addicted Loved One
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The enabler has the tendency to deny the current condition of an addicted family member. You think that the situation would change by ignoring the addict’s behavior. But in reality, the abuser puts their loved ones in great danger.
- 2. Avoiding Conflict with Them
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There are negative feelings that are built if you are living with an addicted family member. One of those is fear. As much as possible, you try your best to prevent any physical and emotional conflict with them.
- 3. Hiding the Enabler’s Emotions
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The enabler has the ability to hide his/her real emotions. With the built-up negative feelings, you learn to keep your thoughts and feelings as you fear how your addicted loved one would react. You also feel guilty over the impulsive behaviors of your loved ones.
- 4. Financing the Wants of the Addicted Loved One
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Your addicted loved one may request to finance their addiction and other basic needs. Because you love them, you can’t resist it and end up giving your money to satisfy their wants.
- 5. Creating Excuses for Them
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Creating excuses for an addicted person enables them to continue their behavior. Since you keep on rationalizing it, you always deal with your loved one’s impulsive and dangerous actions.
- 6. Owning the Responsibilities of the Addicts
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If your addicted loved one has parental obligations, children would be the first ones to be neglected. In order to avoid your to make your children feel that way, you take over with the supposed responsibilities of your loved one. Doing this for your loved one may damage the trust of your children and resent their addicted parent.
- 7. Doing Anything to Keep Them Safe in Pain
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Part of the manipulation procedures of your addicted loved one is claiming to be the real victim in the situation. Playing as a victim in your eyes would ensure them that you will do anything that would keep them safe from any pain.
- 8. Establishing Codependent Behavior
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Along the process, an addict could establish dependent behaviors on you and other immediate family members. But there’s a high possibility wherein you could also develop a dependency on your addicted loved one. If both of you strongly rely on each other, then that’s the time that codependency is established; thus, creating huge impact on both sides.
- 9. Prioritizing the Needs of the Addicted Loved Ones Before Yourself
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Since your judgment is distorted with the real situation, you tend to think about the needs of the addicted loved one without considering yourself first. It may include giving all your money to the abuser, allowing the addict to assault you, and even continue the cycle of damaging yourself.
- 10. Blaming Yourself for the Wrongdoings of the Addicted Loved Ones
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Instead of criticizing the wrongdoings of your addicted loved one, you tend to put the blame on yourself. You feel the guilt and shame of the actions of your loved one – thinking that you are the reason why your loved ones are behaving differently.
- 11. Enduring the Behaviors of the Addicts
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Enduring the behaviors of a person suffering from addiction is caused by the feelings of hopelessness and weariness of the enabler. If you are an enabler, you see and experience the different sides of your loved one and thought that there’s no solution left for addictive behaviors.
- 12. Giving Multiple Second Chances
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As an enabler, you keep on giving your addicted loved one a series of second chances to change their ways. However, continuing this act would only worsen your loved one’s condition.
- 13. Treating Them Like Children
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Whether you are a parent or not, you tend to treat your addicted loved one as a child. You think that the behaviors that are established by your loved one resemble childlike actions. Instead of improving the addict’s condition, the dependency level on drugs and other substances increases as you pacify the misaligned behaviors.
- 14. Developing False Hopes
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An enabled person develops false hopes by misinterpreting the development of an addicted loved one. You think that you are hindering the ‘milestones’ of your loved one if you stop providing their requests and needs.
Conclusion
Helping your loved one that is drug and substance-dependent is the common thing to do to show how much you love the person. However, you also need to distinguish if you are providing real help or enabling them. Evaluating your actions and thinking patterns will help you to prevent dangerous situations that can harm the abuser and yourself.