Parenting
How Can I Motivate My Child?
How can I motivate my child to study and get good grades? To do his homework? To succeed in school, so that he can go to the best college? To go to college? To practice playing the piano? How can I motivate my child to put in the effort needed to achieve his own goals?
As parents, we only want to see our children shine, succeed and achieve. We also want to see them happy as they enjoy their success.
I will never forget that day. My son participated in the science fair and won first place. He was sent to take part in the California State Fair. In Los Angeles, thousands of children participated. Children and parents prepared for this event for a whole year, or even longer. I have seen teams bringing in their huge project boards. Excited parents carrying their children’s projects. The atmosphere of excitement was everywhere. I felt honored just to be there to observe my son.
After all the efforts that went into this event, now it was the time for the award ceremony. Thousands of people – participants, parents, and guests, sitting in a stadium, watching. Now it is time for “our” category. First, the “honorable mention” winner was called to the stage. Then – the 3rd place, 2nd place… and first place. It’s my son’s name. Can you imagine how I felt about that? I practically took off and floated in the air. I remember saying “It is a good feeling”. And the people around me – congratulating me and participating in the joy, I heard one man say, “I bet it is.”
This is the culmination of what we want. This wonderful feeling is what we want for our children and for ourselves. But how do we achieve this? How do we get our children to apply themselves? How do we get our children to understand what actions they need to take now for their future success?
4 key things that contribute to our child’s motivation
1. Importance and inspiration.
The goal has to be an inspiring goal for your child and has to feel that it is important for him to achieve it.
2. Possibility.
The child has to know and feel that it is possible for him to achieve the goal. If the child doubts his skills, there is little chance that he will work towards the goal and apply himself.
3. Acknowledgment, appreciation, and reward.
It is easier to keep a child motivated when offering a tangible reward. Let your child know that there’ll be an appreciation and reward upon achieving the goal.
4. Persistence.
The route towards any worthwhile goal includes some minor set-backs and disappointments. The child needs to learn to get up, brush himself off, and get right back on the horse.
If the child understands the goal and the rewards that await, then that will be enough to keep him motivated to achieve the goal. Add to this persistence, and the results are as much as guaranteed.
Importance
As parents, we always want our child to work towards a goad that inspires him. Help your child see the possibilities. Help your child dream big.
Don’t wait until your child is in high school to start thinking about ways to achieve that. Would you like your child to get a good education, to succeed in school? Start early on. Encourage your child to do well in school. Tell stories about successful students who achieved their goals. Explain what the advantages are, of getting a good education. Why is it worth it to make great efforts to get a good education? The key is to get your child to see the opportunity for himself. Let your child understand that having a good education is for his own good.
I always told my children: when you get an education and study, you invest in yourself. Also, the doors that will open to you as a result of getting an education, you become more knowledgeable. More intelligent. You become wiser. YOU.
Make sure your child hangs out with friends who are successful in school. When your child is young, it is easy to choose his friends. Later your child will choose his own friends. To have some control over this, do your best to get your child into a good school. That good school needs to have honor programs to make the rewards tangible. Children have a tendency to adjust themselves to their environment. It also sometimes develops healthy competition which encourages the children to put in more effort.
One effective tool that most mothers use is repetition. It is not enough to have one conversation with your child. Further explanations and application of the value of education should also instill. You have to put together a “plan of attack.” Prepare interesting reading material and movies about some role models. Provide biographies of people of great achievements. Research theater performances about role models, and take your child to watch them. Introduce successful people to your child. Do you have accomplished, educated people among your friends? Ask them to meet your child and talk about their success and how they achieved it. Have conversations with your child about his future, his goals, what does he want to be when he grows up? Repeat the idea you are trying to introduce to your child, in many different ways.
Possibility
How do we bring our child to believe in himself? Affirmations are a very effective tool. Write down some affirmations that you think will best encourage and inspire your child. For example: “You are very smart and talented.” “You learn very fast”. “You have an excellent memory”. “You can do it”. It has been shown that affirmations are most effective when repeated 3 times. Choose one affirmation for a day and repeat it at least 3 times during the day. Can you get your partner to cooperate and do the same? The more people you can get to repeat the affirmation, the better the result. Has your child repeated the affirmation himself – at least 3 times?
Can you imagine how your child will feel if he hears from everyone that day how smart and talented he is? Can you imagine the smile on his face? Do you think that there is any chance in the world that he will not be encouraged?
Acknowledgment, appreciation, and reward
A close relative of the word “motivate” is “encourage”. And what comes to your mind when you think of the word “encourage”? The thing that comes to my mind is praise. Both adults and children respond well to praise and feel encouraged when we receive it. A successful encouragement involves praise and celebration on every right action. Most of us (including our kids) tend to be self judgmental. We criticize ourselves, and any small setback often seems like a serious failure. Your child will feel encouraged if his efforts are appreciated, and achievements are acknowledged.
Giving praise to achieve a goal is important. It’s also important to make sure that the child knows the rewards for achieving the goals. Determining what the rewards are, depends on you. You are the only one who can set an affordable, realistic, and desirable reward for your child. The reward has to be age-appropriate.
Persistence
Persistence is to a great degree a learned trait. Our children need to learn persistence, they need to learn that if we suffer a setback, we don’t give up. Instead, we increase our efforts. Who can teach them that, if not us?
An effective tool to teach persistence is storytelling. It can be taken in the form of a book, a movie, or a discussion. Many inspiring books and movies are available to share with your child.
Holding discussions with your child is also very effective. When your child suffers a temporary failure, it will help him if you can put it in perspective for him. Knowing that a set back is minor, takes some judgment. Good judgment is often a result of experience. With this, children and young people need our help to develop it. Explain to your child that this is just a minor, temporary set back. Encourage your child to concentrate on the goal, instead of any small set back on the way.
Just like parenting, inspiring and motivating our children is a life long job. If you start at an early age, put together a “plan of attack”, use the “tools of the trade” and add a healthy amount of love, the results will come. Satisfaction is guaranteed.