With a lot of stress and challenges that we face every day, we can’t help but feel sad, angry, and anxious at some point in our lives. We confront and solve these problems to replace our negative emotions with positive ones. There are certain people, however, who tend to always look at the negative side of life. These people may not be aware of it that it can also lead them to destroy people’s lives. They may be present in your home, work, school, or community. To help you identify if you are dealing with negative people, here are the 20 red flags that you should watch out.
1. They are pessimistic people
Generally, there are times when you would think negatively with anything for a short time. This does not apply in the cases of negative people. They tend to always look at the dark side of life and still see opportunities as difficulties that can’t be handled.
2. They take out all your positive energy
Negative people cultivate their negativity by sucking out your positive energy. They would drag you down to their dark worlds as they absorb any positivity that you have.
3. They always complain
Since negative people always see the bad side of life, there’s nothing that can satisfy them. They complain a lot as they think that the odds are always against them.
4. They worry about everything
Negative people have the habit of worrying all the time. They believe that worrying would make them safe from having more negative thoughts. But they can’t see that it’s the other way around.
5. They manipulate you
You would not notice that negative people are manipulating you. They are good at disguising themselves as the good people who care for and support you. Beware that their so-called kindness would lead you to fall on their traps to manipulate your thoughts and actions.
6. They are overly sensitive people
Negative people are very sensitive. They view anyone’s remarks as criticism and downgrading for them.
7. They love talking about themselves
Negative people love to be the center of attention. They exhibit it by talking about themselves. They might be throwing a few questions to you, but it always leads back to them. In the usual conversation, they either interrupt you or won’t shut up talking about their aspirations, goals, thoughts, etc.
8. They want to have full control of everything
Controlling everything is one of the displayed signs of negative people. They love to be in charge of everything that includes you and other people around them. They won’t stop in bugging you as long as you don’t agree with everything that they want you to do.
9. They are scared to try new things
Moving out from family, employment relocation, and career change are some of the things that negative people are afraid to do. They are scared to step out of their comfort zone as they fear the unknown and possible challenges along the way.
10. They tend to be a hypocrite
With controlling people, they also tend to exhibit hypocrisy. They would set expectations for all of you (e.g., being early in the office) yet they’re the ones who first break it. If you fail to comply with their expectations, they would criticize you and complain about it.
11. They always create excuses for their actions
If they failed to follow instructions and rules, they would not acknowledge their wrong actions. Instead of admitting it, they would create excuses and lies to cover their behavior.
12. They criticize everything you do
Aside from whining a lot, negative people also like to criticize everything and everyone. From your simple gestures to big decisions, they always lash out their negative opinions about it. They could even smirk and tease you daily.
13. They quickly want to form a relationship with you
Quickly forming a relationship with you is another specialty of negative people. At first, they would attract you with their compliments and charm. It may seem a great time for both of you, but it’s their way of getting to know how to manipulate you.
14. They instantly change their bonds with you
After they formed their relationship with you, negative people would suck out all your positive energy. You would soon notice that their affection towards you would change. Their sweet words would turn into blunt remarks about you.
15. They provoke jealousy and competition
Under their innocence are their jealousy and competitive thoughts about you. You might not discover it since they are doing nice things for you. However, once they see the opportunity to attack you, they would unravel it through half-meant jokes and comments about your behavior.
16. They love to be the victims of all situations
Negative people love to play as victims all the time. They like to get your sympathy and support to shift their wrongdoings towards your actions. Since they only see negativity, they always create drama over it to lure people on their traps.
17. They like to display their toxic behaviors in public
If they experienced ‘unjust’ treatment, negative people would not tolerate it. They are not ashamed to publicly display their behaviors. Since they believe what they are doing are right, they think that earning attention and sympathy are the appropriate gestures to solve their difficulties.
18. They would make you feel guilty or ashamed
Since they are good at manipulating people, they are good at diverting their wrongdoings to others. They can ignore their behaviors and put the guilt and shame towards you.
19. They ruin your self-esteem
Negative people could ruin your self-esteem by making you feel bad about yourself. It can be in the form of sharp remarks, silent treatment, and negative energy that they’ve passed to you.
20. They backstab you whenever you’re not around
Negative people always find faults to anyone. With this, you can expect them to backstab you while you’re not around. They would spread rumors that can ruin your relationship with others.
Removing negative people in your life can be a challenging task for you. You have invested your time and effort to these kinds of people, yet they didn’t seem to equate your good intentions towards them. You might feel that you are obliged to stay with them; however, you should always know that you don’t deserve the enormous amount of stress and pain that you are currently feeling. It’s better to seek peace and positivity if you are leaving all the negative people behind you.
What are the Causes and Benefits of Conflict?
Your day might have started fairly ordinary. Only somewhere along the way, things blew up. Now you’re in the middle of a massive conflict with no clear idea of how you got there.
It’s normal to fall into conflict – we’re only human after all. Some conflict is even good for us! But did you know that by understanding how these blow-ups come about, you can learn how to avoid many of these conflicts in the first place?
Conflict comes about because we’ve hit a point of disagreement with another person. While a difference of opinion doesn’t have to turn into conflict, every conflict has at its heart a difference of opinion. These differences manifest in these areas:
- A difference in values
- A difference in motivations
- A difference in what you perceive is true or necessary\
- A difference in wants
- A difference in the understanding of various ideas or even ideals.
How do these differences then turn into conflicts?
- The difference has somehow become perceived as a threat. Whenever you feel threatened, there’s going to be trouble. Threats bring out that whole urge to fight to protect what’s important to you. Hence, your disagreement escalates into the realm of conflict.
- You’ve let that conflict fester. So, what might have felt like a minor threat at the beginning has become something much bigger in nature because of two factors. First, you neglected the conflict by not dealing with it right away. Second, the passage of time has given the conflict room to grow. So, now it’s blown up into something bigger than it ever was in the first place. How? Keep reading, and you’ll see.
- By now your perception is off-kilter. It might be that what you perceive to be a threat – was never a threat in the first place. How does this happen? Chances are you lost your objectivity in the situation. Especially if you feel threatened. Then add to it #4.
- Your emotions got involved. Conflicts tend to attract strong emotions. But the stronger the emotion, the more likely you are to blow things out of proportion. Emotional reactions also make it a lot harder to deal with a conflict in the first place, so chances are if you get emotional, you’ve already let things get out of control.
Are There Benefits of Conflict?
When you experience a violent storm, it’s easy to rail against the weather. The wind and the rain can seem terrifying, especially when coupled with the crash of thunder and the bright crackle of lightning splitting the sky. But ask any farmer, and they’ll tell you that even storms have their benefits. The rain is necessary for their crops. And believe it or not, when lightning strikes the ground, it puts nitrogen into the soil that is essential for things to grow.
Likewise, conflicts have certain benefits that we don’t always see. Keep reading to find several of them you might not have considered before now.
- Conflicts make us aware of new ways to do things. The very fact that there’s a conflict tells you that someone else has a different point of view from your own. By exploring those conflicts, you are likewise invited to explore the idea from a new angle and see a new solution that wouldn’t have occurred before.
- Conflicts enable us to verbalize what we want. Think of conflict as a way of being able to genuinely express yourself that doesn’t come up easily at other times. It’s through conflict that we decide what’s important to us, and how to put those feelings into words.
- Conflict drives flexibility. When we conflict, we’re hoping for others to see our point of view. But also in dealing with conflict, we’re forced to see the point of view of those around us. That is where we learn how to become flexible, to acknowledge that we’re not always right. The conflict then becomes the teacher of two traits that you can’t live without—that of being open-minded, and of understanding humility.
- Conflict forces us to listen. The only way to resolve conflict is to listen openly to the other person. Through listening, we acquire wisdom and learn to make better decisions.
- Conflict drives solutions. When you deal with conflict, you are likewise dealing with a problem that needs a solution. Resolving that conflict means finding those solutions, usually in new and innovative ways. Conflict, thus, forces us to solve our problems in creative ways.
While you might shy away from the idea of conflict, it’s good to remember these benefits. Without conflict, we stagnate. So while the storm outside might rage, remember that all tempests do come to an end. The sun will come out again, and in that light, you’ll be able to see how much you’ve grown and benefitted by that conflict.
You need to maintain your objectivity, keep your emotions in check, and realize that every conflict is an opportunity to grow. Conflicts are normal in life. But it’s the resolution of conflicts that draws us closer together and builds both trust and intimacy.
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8 Tips to Face Your Fear
Fear is a natural emotion that humans feel whenever face with painful and challenging circumstances. We tend to be afraid to handle our concerns or even walk away from those things. However, the longer we suppress our fears in our subconscious minds, the longer it would affect our social and occupational functioning. Take the case of drug addicts who see drugs as a form of escape with their worries and personal issues. They’ve chosen to run away from their fears instead of confronting it. With this, it significantly changed them that affects only themselves but their families as well.
Overcoming fear is an important step to free yourself from situations or things that would limit you. It may take time to conquer it, but by taking action, you’re doing a favor for yourself. Here are the useful tips that can help you to overcome your fears.
- Recognize and Accept Your Fear
The first step that you should do is to recognize your fears. It may be hard at first. But acknowledging it allows you to know that you need to do something to get rid of your worries. From there, you will understand that fears exist to warn us about the possible danger that we’re going to encounter. It lets us know that we need to take better decisions in our lives.
- 2. Take Time Out
If your mind is clouded by fear and other unpleasant emotions, taking time out from it is your option. It means that you need to distract yourself from overthinking about it. You can go for a walk or take a nap to shift your mind. This is different from running away from your fear. This gesture is crucial as you need to get yourself ready in facing your fears.
- 3. Calm Yourself
This relates to taking a break from your fears. Aside from engaging in diverting task, you can also practice calming yourself. Breath slowly and if you can, meditate for at least 5 minutes. By doing this, it makes you objective in facing your fears.
- 4. Visualize Happy Thoughts
If you are letting your fears empower you, thinking about fighting it would not be easy. You must first create a mental image of happy thoughts. It can be anywhere and anytime with anyone. The main goal of visualizing your thoughts is to let make you relax and control your fear.
- 5..Seek Help
If you think you don’t have enough courage to overcome your fears alone, you can seek help. Talk with your trusted friends or family members so they can help you in facing your fear. They can also provide some advice that you can use. Apart from close friends and family, you can also seek the professional assistance of a psychologist or counselor. They can devise customized therapy programs to alleviate your fears.
- 6. Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle
People who are empowered with their fears tend to run away from it. Some of them turn to alcohol and drugs, believing that it would subside their fears. Instead of forming a drug or alcohol addiction, you can maintain a healthy lifestyle. You can do regular exercise and eat nutritious foods. You can also get enough quality sleep to make your mind relax. By having a healthy lifestyle, you are making yourself physically and mentally ready to face your fears.
- 7..Plan, Practice, and Act
There are fears that you can conquer by acting it out. For instance, you are afraid to talk in public and want to defeat this fear. You can plan to enroll yourself in public speaking classes to boost your confidence and learn the techniques of managing your worries at the public places. After that, you can practice talking on the stage. You can do it alone or with the presence of a few people. The essence of this step is to gradually expose you to fear so when you’re faced with the actual issue you’d be able to handle it well.
- 8. Treat Yourself
Trying to overcome your fear takes a lot of courage. If you’ve been with a stressful day, you can reward yourself for doing your best. It can be anything that would bring happy feelings. It would also serve as your reminder that there are greater things that you have compared with your fears.